Just when you thought it was safe to come on BKN, I am back with a new mad post an old joke or two
'A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal." '
And now for a true story
Many years ago when still young and fit I fell asleep in my chair and was visited by GOD and this is what he said to me.
He said " Dave you come across as a nice young man but myself and the angels dont like the way you have been living your life and you do too many things to excess. I asked him what on earth he meant. God replied you drink far too much, gamble far to much and copulate far too much and if you want to get into heaven when your times is up you will have to prove yourself?
He went on to say that all I had to do was refrain from drinking, gambling and having sex for 14 days and I would get my passport into heaven.
As I awoke in my chair I remembered what I thought was a dream and decided I would take no chances and do what GOD had asked, after all it was for only 14 days.
14 days later I went to bed and was again visited by god who asked me how I got on with his commands? I thought about telling him lies but what was the point he is GOD and knows everything so I told him the truth and the following.
GOD, I said I cannot lie, I was doing fantastic, I had not drank, gambled or had sex for 13 days, then on the 14th day my girlfreind was bending over the freezer getting some frozen peas for our dinner! She only had a short skirt on and I just couldnt help myself and gave into temptation, went up behind and gave her what for.
God said, Dave both myself and the angles are not very happy at ALL.
I replied> TESCO WERE LIVID. Lol
Dave
Have a good weekend, got Sunday off thanks to Neil
A store that sells new husbands has just opened in the Merry Hill shopping centre where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a new wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.
The third through sixth floors have never been visited.
Have a fun weekend,
Shaun.
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Shaun
Responses are not meant as a substitute for professional advice. Answers are intended as outline only the advice of a qualified professional with access to all relevant information should be sought before acting on any response given.
