Giggle moments - The Book-keepers Forum (UK)

Cheshire · Master Book-keeper

Giggle moments

Artois · Guru

Cheshire wrote:
Just seen this response on a professional forum to, lets just say, someone who was acting as less than professional by acting beyond their abilities/too lazy to do any research. Was a spit the coffee out on to the PC screen giggle moment.
''Have you considered retraining as a dog walker?''

biggrin biggrin

Mind you not too dissimilar to what we do by picking up the crap left by others!

Cheshire · Master Book-keeper

Artois wrote:
Cheshire wrote:
Just seen this response on a professional forum to, lets just say, someone who was acting as less than professional by acting beyond their abilities/too lazy to do any research. Was a spit the coffee out on to the PC screen giggle moment.
''Have you considered retraining as a dog walker?''

Mind you not too dissimilar to what we do by picking up the crap left by others!

As long as they bring their own bin liners.

Cheshire · Master Book-keeper

Today's as seen on Facebook.....

''I'm a new member thanks for excepting me''

I somehow dont think that's what she meant to say.

lots to learn · Senior Member

These have given me a Monday morning giggle, thank you

Cheshire · Master Book-keeper

Ok today's idiocy giggles...

Original Q ''Can I claim tax relief on (high) brokers fees for ISAs?''
Clarifying Q 'tax relief against what'

Answer to clarifying Q 'The brokers fees being declared on SA' <----------- you really couldnt make it up could you?!!

Cheshire · Master Book-keeper

followed by...

Classic Jack.jpg

Cheshire · Master Book-keeper

Todays...

Q 'Tax return 15/17. Property income is less than £2500. have employed income and property income but property income for 15/16 is only one month, less than £2500. Can I put zero and explain in the white boxes less than £2500''

Just one of the answers
'Why not just put zero in all the boxes and make a white space note that you have rounded everything down to the nearest zero. Im sure HMRC will be fine with that. Makes the calculations easier.'

Well it had me laughing my head off. Perhaps that just a January madness giggle or Im just generally bonkers!

Spot the massive error in the original question - well there are two dropped ones actually.

Cheshire · Master Book-keeper

(I really should get back to doing some work shouldnt I?!)

Warn all your elderly relatives of the latest scam....

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.

She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!. The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad.

The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the drivers seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.

She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down.

She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.

The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed.

The moral of the story?

If youre going to have a senior moment make it memorable.

Leger · Master Book-keeper

Hi Joanne

LOL That reminded me of the Sainsbury Car Park Scam

WARNING MILD ADULT HUMOUR https://www.fireworks-forum.org.uk/threads/sainsbury-car-park-scam-beware.22382/

lots to learn · Senior Member

We really should write a book.
Whoever said Accountancy was boring.
While wading through the carrier bag full of receipts I'd received mid January (yep, its always the same clients every year). I find an appointment letter.
Phone call to Mr x
Mr X
Do you realise you have an appointment at the opticians at 10am today
Oh heck, I wish you'd given me more notice
!!!!!!

VinceH · Expert

The original comment - ''Have you considered retraining as a dog walker?'' - sounds like the ideal response to cheeky feckers that come here to get free advice instead of paying their own bookkeeper/accountant for the same.

Leger · Master Book-keeper

Saw this on a forum this morning

If I go into Partnership with my wife can we split the profit 100% - 0%. So in effect my wife doesn't make any income from the business or pay tax? Even though she would be an officially named partner?

I'm thinking why, just why?

Cheshire · Master Book-keeper

Leger wrote:
Saw this on a forum this morning
If I go into Partnership with my wife can we split the profit 100% - 0%. So in effect my wife doesn't make any income from the business or pay tax? Even though she would be an officially named partner?
I'm thinking why, just why?

I saw that too John.

The number of freeloader questions have increased as has the number of their daftness with the questions being asked. I mean, yeah do it yourself, its dead easy isnt it....oh no, wait, lets do it ourselves but ask the very same folk we cant be arsed paying for some help. They wont mind. Oh and also lets have left 297 days after the end of the tax year before we ask the question. Morons, utter morons.

Although freeloader of the week has to go to ''I will be lending money from one company to another - the loan amount is £500,000........'' 1/2 million pounds and wants free advice. FFS.

I always thought this was a respected profession!

Less giggle moments, more want to beat some folk into submission mood!

Cheshire · Master Book-keeper

VinceH wrote:
The original comment - ''Have you considered retraining as a dog walker?'' - sounds like the ideal response to cheeky feckers that come here to get free advice instead of paying their own bookkeeper/accountant for the same.

Maybe we can add this to such freeloader posts in future.

A bit like the VEIS spam ones! Oh , now heres a thought - has anyone seen any guidance about using this post brexit?! wink biggrin

Leger · Master Book-keeper

Hi Joanne, Nothing will really change during the transition period. Its the 31st December that'll be game changer, unless the transition period is extended.

lots to learn · Senior Member

You would think if a client brought you paperwork in the last week of January every year they would refrain from making purchases one screw at a time!!
I kid you not. I have mountains of receipts for 79p and similar, often bought from different suppliers on the same day!
The bar receipts are a different story though. I usually just dismiss these but couldn't help taking a peek. Bills for over a £100 a time, itemised with 1 sandwich at £4.99 and then individual drinks. Not sure how he ever walks to collect those screws!
Clients, got to love em !
Hope everyone else having a smooth January end.

Cheshire · Master Book-keeper

Here was me thinking it was just small restaurants that had a million and one daft 79p receipts because their chefs cannot get organised with their ordering! I have seen a bar bill for $3500 on an expenses claim....paid out too! Yes $ (not a typo!)

Just one of todays giggle fests:-

Q - Cost of demolishing a wall
How would the accounting treatment be processed for an authorised (by landlord) removal of a wall, costing a significant amount within a rented warehouse. Removed as part of an efficiency objective.

Answers (bear in mind its 30th and everyone is getting a wee bit stir crazy or perhaps giddy for Saturday morning..

Brick or Block? A Brick (kind of surprised they answered!)

What colour? A - Red (even more surprised that they answered) Additional comment Shame. If it had been blue you'd have got it. Part of the whole post-Brexit patriotism. Blue passports and blue walls to show those damn Europeans we're back. Massive tax breaks for blue walls.

Was it plastered? No answer to that one, although someone jumped in with If it were, might it not have just fallen down by itself?

( Classic) Did the builder not demolish the wall for free? Weird that people pay for services they need. Whatever next?

Casu · Senior Member

Need these especially at this time of year. As well as John's Friday things.

Made me giggle.

Cheshire · Master Book-keeper

Fabulous response to a question about journals Ive just seen:-

DR HP creditor
CR Cockup ledger

biggrin biggrin

Cheshire · Master Book-keeper

Flogging a dead horse, so here is my last post.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2LuiXF1i_JE

Casu · Senior Member

liking the penguin one. there are a few I could do that to.

BrooksCity · Member

A little late to the party but I really liked the Florida one biggrin good giggles.

Cheshire · Master Book-keeper

BrooksCity wrote:
A little late to the party but I really liked the Florida one good giggles.

As long as you make it to the party!!!!

Oh, now.... how about an intro plus can you add a first name? we always ask newbies. Be good to have another Chartered on here to help answer Qs!

Cheshire · Master Book-keeper

I know had done on this one, but in all honesty I had to post it...just couldnt decide whether it should be on here or the FFS one. Actually here will do, QB would be adding it to their FFS pile. Reckon someone might get the sack for this oops!

QBO - oops.jpg

Artois · Guru

biggrin But will they honour it?

Leger · Master Book-keeper

Artois wrote:

But will they honour it?

Of course they will Doug....and withdraw access on 1st August biggrin biggrin

VinceH · Expert

That moment when you realise people greet you so often in emails and phone calls with "Hello accounts" and similar that you start thinking about changing your name by deed poll. ;)

Cheshire · Master Book-keeper

A bit like Hugo Boss (the former Joe Lycett)!!!

Dont think it will make you any cash though, althoug....you never know!

Leger · Master Book-keeper

Seen on another forum, what could possibly go wrong?

Hello please can anyone help me with a long list of stupid questions regarding filing my own accounts from tax year 2018-2019? I realise I have been paying the accountant for something i could probably do myself.
My yearly accounts are already overdue by over a month now, for the second year in a row so I need to pay a £350 fine x 2 = £750, do I just wait for them to fine me once I file it or can I name the fine myself?

Shamus · Forum Moderator & Expert

Leger wrote:
I realise I have been paying the accountant for something i could probably do myself.
My yearly accounts are already overdue by over a month now
I need to pay a £350 fine x 2 = £750,
can I name the fine myself?

FFS youy've got me crying with laughter here matey... And I thought that the Friday fun was hilarious.

The links between the quotes just leave one open mouthed.... Don't tell me that the f*ckwit posted that on aweb... That would be like a cristian standing in the coluseum wearing lion pheremones.

Leger · Master Book-keeper

Shamus wrote:
Leger wrote:
I realise I have been paying the accountant for something i could probably do myself.
My yearly accounts are already overdue by over a month now
I need to pay a £350 fine x 2 = £750,
can I name the fine myself?
FFS youy've got me crying with laughter here matey... And I thought that the Friday fun was hilarious.
The links between the quotes just leave one open mouthed.... Don't tell me that the f*ckwit posted that on aweb... That would be like a cristian standing in the coluseum wearing lion pheremones.

No, it's the sister one. uk business forums. The majority of the responses were get your accountant back on board, to be fair

Artois · Guru

Leger wrote:
Shamus wrote:
Leger wrote:
I realise I have been paying the accountant for something i could probably do myself.
My yearly accounts are already overdue by over a month now
I need to pay a £350 fine x 2 = £750,
can I name the fine myself?
FFS youy've got me crying with laughter here matey... And I thought that the Friday fun was hilarious.
The links between the quotes just leave one open mouthed.... Don't tell me that the f*ckwit posted that on aweb... That would be like a cristian standing in the coluseum wearing lion pheremones.
No, it's the sister one. uk business forums. The majority of the responses were get your accountant back on board, to be fair

I saw it on UKBF and must admit I thought the OP was going to get slaughtered but as you say the replies were quite restrained