The first one is hot off the press as I have literally just read it and it made me LOL
Anyone want to buy 100 scotch eggs and 150 bite sized sausage rolls?
I've misread the headlines and thought everyone was picnic buying
--
My daft mate Dave has just got back from the loo after being in there for 30 minutes
The boss wanted to know why he'd been so long
"Washing my hands" he said "I forgot the words to happy birthday, so I sang Bohemian Rhapsody twice as I know that one"
--
I was at the supermarket checkout yesterday when the guy in front puts a a packet of condoms on the conveyor belt. I put the divider in place and placed my bottle of ketchup on the belt. He looked a bit embarrassed so I laughed and said "It looks like we've both got something to put on our sausages"
--
Becks was shopping in Walmart and saw some thermos flasks. He asked the assistant what they were for. She said you put food or drink in and it keeps them hot or cold. He buys one and takes it home and Posh says" Whats that babe" He says it's a thermos flask and it keeps things hot or cold. The next day at the LA Galaxy training ground he gets out his flask and his team say "What you got there boss?" Becks said "It's a thermos flask, it keeps things hot or cold" "And what you got in it boss?" they replied. Becks said "two cups of coffee and a choc ice"
--
I ordered a Chinese takeaway last night. Went to pick it up and as I was driving home, I heard the bags rustling and moving!!
I thought what on Earth is that. Has something got in the bag? I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out at me.
I was driving so I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out from behind the prawn crackers.
I thought its got to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag down ...
You don't know how relieved I was when I discovered it was just the Peking Duck.
--
__________________
John
Any advice given is for general guidance and professional advice should be sought applicable to your circumstances.
The first - yep, well Ive just been to the supermarket for my normal shop - OMG, folk are BARKING MAD. No toilet roll, very few eggs (!), no pasta, no parking spaces, but hey they had a million Easter Eggs so Im happy.
Well done John for keeping the BKNers spirits up.
Talking of booze, I might swap my usual espresso martini out today
The major supermarkets have just announced panic buying restrictions.
Latest purchase limits placed on shops, in light of the Coronavirus due to panic buying;
ASDA: 2 hand sanitisers and a 4 pack of toilet rolls. TESCO: 1 hand sanitiser, 500g of rice and 4 pack of toilet rolls. MORRISONS: 2 hand sanitisers, 2 packs tolilet rolls and 1kg Pasta. ALDI: a MIG welder, a pink sports bra, 2 trumpets and 1 wetsuit.
__________________
John
Any advice given is for general guidance and professional advice should be sought applicable to your circumstances.
The major supermarkets have just announced panic buying restrictions.
Latest purchase limits placed on shops, in light of the Coronavirus due to panic buying;
ASDA: 2 hand sanitisers and a 4 pack of toilet rolls. TESCO: 1 hand sanitiser, 500g of rice and 4 pack of toilet rolls. MORRISONS: 2 hand sanitisers, 2 packs tolilet rolls and 1kg Pasta. ALDI: a MIG welder, a pink sports bra, 2 trumpets and 1 wetsuit.
John, I saw this earlier today and it made me giggle. Ive just been to Aldi and stocked up on my Mig welders, although Im worried I dont have enough pink sports bras.
Thought you might like this one... Shaun will after his last avatar Im sure.
The major supermarkets have just announced panic buying restrictions.
Latest purchase limits placed on shops, in light of the Coronavirus due to panic buying;
ASDA: 2 hand sanitisers and a 4 pack of toilet rolls. TESCO: 1 hand sanitiser, 500g of rice and 4 pack of toilet rolls. MORRISONS: 2 hand sanitisers, 2 packs tolilet rolls and 1kg Pasta. ALDI: a MIG welder, a pink sports bra, 2 trumpets and 1 wetsuit.
I was just trying to read that one to my son and why laughing so hard that I was crying and couldn't even get the words out. Absolutely brilliant.
__________________
Shaun
Responses are not meant as a substitute for professional advice. Answers are intended as outline only the advice of a qualified professional with access to all relevant information should be sought before acting on any response given.
