This has not been a good day. After spending the last 8 weeks quarantined inside the house, and going stir crazy I decided to go horse riding, something I haven't done in ages. It turned out to be a one big mistake!
I got on the horse and started out slowly, which was fine. But then we went a little faster; before I knew it, we were going as fast as the horse could go. I couldn't take the pace and fell off and caught my foot in the stirrup, the horse was then going like the clappers with me on the ground with my foot stuck in the stirrup. The horse just would not stop it was out of control I've never known anything like it.
Thankfully the manager at Tesco came out and unplugged the machine. He actually had the nerve to take the rest of my coins so I wouldn't try to ride the machine again........
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I was hitching a lift back home when a chap picked me up in a Rolls. It turned out he was a keen golfer and I happened to spot some red objects in the centre console. "What are those for? " I asked. "They're called tees", he replied, "they're to rest your balls on when you're driving". "Flipping heck" I said, "Rolls Royce think of everything, don't they"
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I went by the house I grew up in yesterday. Being a sentimental fool, I decided to knock on the door and ask if I could have a quick look around.
The owners said "NO" and slammed the door in my face!
My parents are right miserable beggars.....
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I was walking along a trail and I found a suitcase with a fox and four cubs inside.
I phoned the RSPCA and told them, they asked if they were moving?
I said I'm not sure but it would explain the suitcase.
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My wife says she saw a Fox on the way to work this morning, I said how do you know it was going to work?
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Today, I met Bruce Lee's vegetarian brother, Broco Lee.
I also met his other brother who can't take a Joke, Serious Lee.
And the one is always there last minute, Sudden Lee.
And the one who doesn't understand Metaphors, Literal Lee.
As well as the one who is always throwing shade, Sarcastic Lee.
AND, the one who is so sure of himself, Definite Lee
Even the one you can always predict, Usual Lee.
Basically, I met the whole Fama Lee.
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And finally, a joke for all you mind readers out there.
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John
Any advice given is for general guidance and professional advice should be sought applicable to your circumstances.
My wife and I stopped at the motorway services recently for some breakfast, we got two fry ups, two coffees and two jam doughnuts, when I got to the cashier I said "sorry love but I only have a £50.00 note" she replied "that's okay just put the doughnuts back"
BREAKING NEWS.......swimming pools are about to re-open but due to continued social distancing regulations there will be no water in lanes 1,3 and 5..........
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Doug
These are only my opinions of how I see things and therefore should not be taken as advice
