A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctors surgery.
Why is your stomach so big? he asks. I´m having a baby. she replies. Is the baby in your stomach? he asks, with his big eyes. Yes, it is. she says. Is it a good baby? he asks, with a puzzled look. Oh, yes. A really good baby. the lady replies
Shocked and surprised, he asks: Then why did you eat him?
--
It's the day of Prince Edward's wedding. He and Sophie are having a wonderful time, but beneath the smiles and celebrations, Sophie appears to be in pain.
Edward notices and asks her what's wrong.
"Well it's these shoes", she says, "I'm sure they sent me the wrong ones. They must be at least 2 sizes two small!"
"Never mind", he replies, "The reception will be over soon and we can head back to the room and take them off".
Sure enough, the reception draws to a close and after the guests have gone, Edward and Sophie make their way towards their bedroom, little knowing that they have been followed by the rest of the royal family, who press their ears against the door to get a good listen.
Sophie collapses on the bed and Edward, looking at her shoes, says "Right! you've waited long enough - let's get these off straight away"
There's about 5 minutes of grunting and moaning, followed by a loud sigh of relief from Sophie.
"Bloody hell! That was tight!", exclaims Edward.
Outside the door, The Queen whispers to Prince Philip. "See! I told you she was still a virgin!"
Back inside, Edward looks at the other shoe. "Right! Now let's have a go at the other one"
5 more minutes of grunting and moaning occur, followed by another loud groan from Sophie. "Crikey, that one was even tighter!", says Edward.
"That's my boy!", whispers Prince Philip with a tear in his eye, "Once a sailor, always a sailor!"
--
A husband and wife get married young and, on their honeymoon, the wife discovers something quirky about her husband: he refuses to make love with the lights on. This doesn't really bother her so she decides to just let it go and accept her husband's quirks.
Years pass and the husband still remains adamant about keeping the lights off, and the wife starts wondering why this could be. She finally decides to do something about it and, one night, in the middle of a tryst, she turns on the bedside lamp. She looks down and sees her husband holding a flesh textured, much larger than regular, dildo.
"How could you have been lying to me all these years?" she yells at him.
The husband looks straight back at her and answers, "Honey, you shouldn't get upset."
"Shouldn't get upset? how can you possibly explain this?"
"Okay, tell you what: I'll explain this if you explain the kids"
--
I introduced my new girlfriend to my family last night.
"This is my dad Roger," I said, "And this is my twin brother Dave."
"Nice to meet you," she smiled, "Who's the oldest?"
I said, "My dad."
-
A married man was having a long-term affair with his secretary. One day, they were overcome by passion and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they both fell asleep and didn't rouse until well into the evening. As the man hastily threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied and then he quickly slipped into his shoes and drove home.
Where have you been? demanded his wife when he entered the house.
Darling, I cant lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having hot, passionate sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight oclock.
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, You lying t*at! You've been out playing golf!
--
__________________
John
Any advice given is for general guidance and professional advice should be sought applicable to your circumstances.
