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Amanda


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Friday Fun...................DAVE!
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Hi,

Is there no Friday fun now guys?  Don't think there has been any for a while, Dave must be busy I guess!



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Amanda
Shamus


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He's still hanging from the wall in the BKN dungeon for his last Friday Joke.

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Shaun

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Amanda


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I must have missed that one, what was it?

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Amanda
Shamus


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just PM'd you.

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Shaun

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FoxAccountancyServices


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What was it??? Share?!

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ilsm


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What about this one?

A newly-qualified accountant, knowing everything, applied for his first job. The prospective employer asked him what starting salary he was looking for.
Oh, around £80,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.
Well, how does this sound? Six weeks' holiday, non-conributory pension, paid trips to overseas conferences every year, and a company car replaced every 3 years, say a Mercedes convertible to begin with.
The candidate sat up straight: Wow. Are you joking?
Yeah. But you started it.

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Shamus


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lol.

And its funny because it is so true.

You would have loved sitting in on some of the interviews that I've attended on the milk round.

God only knows what misinformation students are fed at Uni about starting rates.

... On the benefits package though appart from the Merc being a convertible it sounded a pretty standard basic package (plus free gym membership, free parking and free Tea & Coffee).





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Shaun

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Adrian99


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Shamus wrote:

He's still hanging from the wall in the BKN dungeon for his last Friday Joke.

 

"BKN dungeon"    awesome !!! :)

 

 



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P.S. I only ride a motorbike because I want to dry my clothes faster 
ilsm


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I forgot free BUPA too

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ilsm


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OK - no pretentions that these are original, but, hey, it's Friday and too hot to work ...

Why accountants don't read novels?
Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.

Why do accountants make good lovers?
They're great with figures.

If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what does she say?
"Darling, could you tell me about your work."

What do accountants do for fun?
Add the telephone book!

Why don't old accountants ever die?
They just lose their balance!

What does an accountant use for birth control?
His personality.

What's an extroverted accountant?
One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.

What do you call an accountant who is seen talking to someone?
Popular

What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?
The accountant knows he is boring.

How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.

What is the definition of "accountant"?
Someone who solves a problem you didnt know you had in a way you dont understand.

What is the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.

Why did God invent economists?
So accountants could have someone to laugh at.

What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?
Go into town and gang-audit someone.


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Spamkebab


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Silence..........Tumbleweed..............More Silence............




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ilsm


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.... and this one's a bit naughty (it's derogatory about Canadians!)




A petrol station in Halifax was trying to increase it's sales. So the owner put up a sign saying "Free Sex With Fill-Up."

Soon a Canadian pulls in, fills his tank, and then asks for his free sex.

The gas attendent tells him pick to a number from 1 to 10 if he guesses correctly, he will get his free sex.

The Canadian says, "7"

The gas attendent says, "You were close, sir, but the number was 6. Sorry, no sex this time."

A week later, the same Canadian, along with his buddy, pulls in for a fill up. Again he asks for his free sex and again the gas attendent gives him the same story and asks him to guess the correct number.

The Canadian says, "5"

The gas attendent says, "Sorry,it was 4. You were so close, but no free sex this time."

As they were driving away, the Canadian says to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."

The buddy replies,"No, it ain't rigged. My wife won twice last week."


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ilsm


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... and here's a quickie for the guy who thinks he's a god:-

Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer."

"Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!"

God replies, "You better send them up here immediately."

Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them."

God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you."

Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

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Shamus


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What, Neils not a God!

Right, not sacrificing anymore goats or chickens to him then.

No comment on the accountant "jokes". (ooh, tumbleweed)

Here's a couple about management consultants (taken from an old thread on here) :


Q: What do you call a thousand dead management consultants????

A: A good Start!


Q: Did you hear about the terrorist who hijacked a plane full of Management consultants?

A: He threatened to release one every hour until his demands were met.


Q: Why don't sharks attack Management Consultants?

A: Professional Courtessy


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Shaun

Responses are not meant as a substitute for professional advice. Answers are intended as outline only the advice of a qualified professional with access to all relevant information should be sought before acting on any response given.
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