A stockbroker parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues. As hes getting out of the car, a truck comes flying along too close to the curb and takes off the door before speeding off.
Distraught, the broker grabs his mobile and calls the cops. Five minutes later, the police arrive.
Before the cop has a chance to ask any questions, the broker starts screaming hysterically, My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined. No matter how long its at the repair shop, itll simply never be the same again!
After the stockbroker finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust. I cant believe how materialistic you bloody stockbrokers are, he says. You lot are so focused on your possessions that you dont notice anything else in your life.
How can you say such a thing at a time like this? snaps the broker.
The policeman replies, Didnt you realize that your right arm was torn off when the truck hit you?
The stockbroker looks down in absolute horror, and yells out, Wheres my Rolex?
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named Amal. The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan.
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, But they are twins if youve seen Juan, you've seem Amal
A businessman walked into a bank in London and asked for the loan officer. He told the officer that he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow £5,000. The bank officer explained that the bank needed some kind of security for such a loan. So the businessman handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checked out, and the bank agreed to accept the car as collateral for the loan. A bank employee drove the Rolls into the banks underground garage and parked it there. Two weeks later, the businessman returned, repaid the £5,000 with interest, which came to £15.41. The loan officer said, We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow £5,000? The businessman replied, Where else in London can I park my car for two weeks for only £15
A man died and went to heaven. An angel met him at the Gates of Heaven and said, Before you meet with God, I thought I should tell you weve examined your whole life, and you really didnt do anything particularly good or bad. Were not sure whether we can admit you into heaven or not. Can you tell us anything exceptional you did that can help us make a decision? The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied, Yeah, once
I was driving along and came upon a woman who was being harassed by a group of thugs. So I pulled over, got out my tire iron, and went up to the leader of the gang. He was a big, muscular, hairy guy with tattoos all over his body and a ring pierced through his nose. Well, I tore the nose ring out of his nose, and told him that he and his gang had better stop bothering the woman or they would have to deal with me! Im impressed, The angel responded, When did this happen? The man replied, About two minutes ago.
There was once a red man and a green man. One day the red man goes to visit the green man who is in the bath. He rings the door bell and in a hurry the green man jumps out of the bath, wraps a towel around his waist and runs to answer the door.
He opens the door and greets the red man by shaking his hand. As he does so his towel slips off revealing all.
The red man is horrified, runs off into the road and gets knocked over. What is the moral of the story??
Never cross the road when the green mans flashing!
Questions and Answers
Q. How can you spot the blind guy in a nudist colony? A. Its not hard.
Q. What do you call a Nun with a sex change? A. A Transister
Q. What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? A. They both have balls just for decoration
Q. What do you get when you cross a nun with an IBM? A. A computer system that never goes down.
Q. Why did God create men? A. Cucumbers dont take out the garbage
Q. Did you hear about the guy who lost his whole left side in an accident? A. Hes all right now.
A lady walked into the drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide. The pharmacist said Why in the world do you need cyanide? The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacists eyes got big, and he said Lord have mercy, I cant give you cyanide to kill your husband. Thats against the law. Ill lose my license, theyll throw both of us in jail, and all kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not, you can not have any cyanide!Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacists wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, Well now, you didnt tell me you had a prescription.
-- Edited by Dave Campbell on Thursday 31st of October 2013 09:02:57 PM
