Hi Guys, profuse apologies for the lateness. Was in Doncaster Friday, quite a hectic day, and yesterday I was in Sarf London watching Donny Rovers get beat.
Shortly after the BA flight had reached it's cruising altitude, the Captain announced over the tannoy. "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome aboard BA flight 293, flying non-stop to Toronto. The weather is good, and we should have a smooth uneventful flight. So sit back and rel.... What the hell?" The plane took a nosedive, then gradually steadied itself. Everything went deathly quiet. The Captain came back on the tannoy. "Ladies and Gentleman, my apologies, the flight attendant has just dropped hot coffee on my lap and I momentarily lost control, you should see the front of my trousers" A passenger yelled out "FFS, you should see the back of mine!"
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Little Johnny handed his home work in. The teacher had to giggle at the answers.
1. In which battle did Napoleon die? A. His last one
2. Where was the Magna Carter signed? A. At the bottom
3. The Ravi River flows in which state? A. A liquid state
4. What is the main reason for divorce? A. Marriage.
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Whilst I've nothing against same sex relationships, I simply couldn't be gay. It's bad enough women refusing me without men refusing me too.
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Whilst walking in London yesterday i bumped into a lady of the night. "She said "Are you looking for a good time darling" I said "No, you wouldn't want what I've got" She asked sympathetically "Why, what have you got?" I said "£3.50"
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My mate has introduced me to minimalism. I find it much better and thanked him. He said it was the least he could do.
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John
Any advice given is for general guidance and professional advice should be sought applicable to your circumstances.
Hi John I was wondering where you were on Saturday, but suspected you were darn sarf, rather than oop norf!
The BA one had me almost spit my coffee out on to the PC screen. It was all in plan for me to marry a BA pilot, only he wasnt a BA polit when the plan was laid and we were only 5 at the time! I heard some hilarious stories about his job recently although for the life of me cannot remember any of them.
With the shenanigans Ive just seen from a pilots Christmas do, even ignoring the Dad dancing, you would never get on a plane ever again!
These might make you grimace (my son says Im not funny)...
A plane was taking quite some time to start moving at one point the engines started, ran for about a minute and then shut off again. Then the captain said: I would like to assure you there is nothing wrong with the plane, I just pressed the wrong button.'
On an American Airlines flight from Houston to Seattle, when approaching Seattle the captain keys in, Ladies and gentlemen if you look to the right youll see a fantastic view of Mount. Ranier.
We looked and Mounr. Ranier was nowhere to be seen, so everyone was confused.
Then the Captain came on saying, Im sorry folks, I meant to the left.
Then right after he chimed in again with, So the passengers on the right side arent disappointed, if you look to your left youll notice the happy faces of the left passengers enjoying the view!
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Technically they would only see the backs of their heads!
Just think in 10 days the Christmas madness will be all over, bar the hangovers.
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Joanne
Winner of Bookkeeper of the Year 2015, 2016 & 2017
Thoughts are my own/not to be regarded as official advice,which should be sought from a suitably qualified Accountant.
You should check out answers with reference to the legal position
The BA flight one I saw on Facebook last week and it really made me laugh. Yes hard to believe Christmas is just over a week away. I've got a Christmas Quiz planned for the weekend and hopefully, a quiz of the year after Christmas.
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John
Any advice given is for general guidance and professional advice should be sought applicable to your circumstances.
