I've decided to change the title, as I can't remember the last tme I did the fun page on a Friday.
Yorkshireman: It's my wife Doctor, I can't seem to get her pregnant
Doctor: Has she got the coil in?
Man: Has she eckerslike - she's noreven washed spuds yet.
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A man walks into his hotel's lift
The operator asks, "Which floor son?" "17th" replies the man
"No problem son" says the operator
As they approached the 17th floor the operator said, "Enjoy the rest of your stay son" "Why do you keep calling me son?!" asks the man
"Well, I brought you up didn't I?" he replies
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My daft mate Dave just told me that he robbed a shop last night.
"What did you get?" I asked.
"26 pictures," he smiled, showing me. "The cheapest one is worth over £180,000."
I said, "You idiot, you robbed an estate agent."
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A nun in a convent gets up and makes her way for prayers and breakfast. As she passes a sister the sister says you got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning,
She goes a bit further and another sister says you got out of bed the wrong side this morning. This happens a further 20 times until finally she passes the mother superior who says sister can I have a word. Before she can reply the sister says if you say you got out of bed the wrong side this morning I'll scream and swear.
The mother superior says I wasn't going to say that, I was going to ask why are you wearing the Bishops slippers?
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People often accuse me of stealing others jokes and being a plagiarist.
Their words not mine...
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When my wife left, I was sad, upset and lonely.
Since then I've got a dog, bought a new motorbike, sh@gged two women and blown £100 on drink.
She's going to go absolutely mental when she gets home from work.
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John
Any advice given is for general guidance and professional advice should be sought applicable to your circumstances.
The one John included about plagiarism sounds like it might be a Milton Jones type joke. It reads so 'right' if you imagine it in his voice.
It does doesn't it. It may well be one of his, I have four sources for the jokes, including a new one I found a couple of weeks ago, but they have to make me chuckle first (I've long exhausted my memory bank although I sometimes remember one and include it)
Thanks Joanne for your contribution, some I've heard but a few I haven't.
Glad I'm making you smile Caron, I enjoy putting the page together.
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John
Any advice given is for general guidance and professional advice should be sought applicable to your circumstances.
Responses are not meant as a substitute for professional advice. Answers are intended as outline only the advice of a qualified professional with access to all relevant information should be sought before acting on any response given.